My art and my writing are handled in two very different ways:

To put it simply, I make art to share, and stories to hide.

I’ve talked about getting lost in the sheer mindlessness of making art. The oblivion it brings upon me to draw. Remember? And I’ve told you that writing requires presence of mind. It requires the stability of one’s brain. It’s necessary to spell. To build sentences, build houses with black letters like one builds a wall out of bricks, and then slither to the other side of that wall and build around me, until I’ve enveloped by the words and the home I’ve built with them. Oftentimes, this house can be pierced with a whisper, and destroyed. But building it takes time and precision. I need every row to align perfectly, so that the roof doesn’t cave in and crush me. I must be patient and, most of all, sound. Not with drawing. I can listen to music while drawing. I can stop thinking.

And maybe that is why I’ve been drawing so much recently. I’ve not been ignoring my responsibilities, no. I haven’t disappointed anyone just yet. I haven’t been late to any of my online courses. I haven’t submitted unfinished work. But I find it harder to write than draw right now. Because I don’t want to take my headphones off.

It’s not recommendable to post so frequently on Instagram, I believe. My likes are on a slow rise, most times, but I should contain myself so as to not raise any great expectations. But I can’t stop drawing. I can’t stop sharing. And there will come a day when I stop throwing my drawings into the wind and watching them flow with the breeze of the internet. There will come a day when I take it easy. Take my time.

But not just yet.

I cannot take my headphones off. I cannot stop humming. I want to, but I can’t. I can’t.

And the times I do write, is when the clatter of china resonates downstairs, and my family is dispersed, and my bed is unmade, and everyone is thinking about things that don’t matter. When an idea is so loud in my brain that it deafens me with its shouts of glee. When I feel like laughing or shaking with excitement. I let my fingers loose on the keys and watch them thrash aggressively in a chaotic dance. I curl them into fists, breathe, and dance again. If I stop, I will never continue. Not until I’m finished.

I have so much on my mind, so much I want to tell you.

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THANK YOU FOR READING!

Copyright © Blanca Parga 2021

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