It shocks me how easy it is to leave a place. I don’t mean, easy for me, I mean how easy it is in general. In its raw practicality. Its sheer, neutral simplicity. Withdraw. Pay. Don’t return. That’s… it? Sure. That’s it. Nothing else? Nope.

It’s as simple as that. No tears. No letter of explanation. No justifications or blubbering. No excuses. No apologies. Withdraw. Then leave.

Maybe I really am that naive. To expect a long and hard fight. A bittersweet duel that neither me nor they wish to have. A necessary one. For it to really be this… bloodless. This simple. This empty.

Or maybe I’ve been blinded by my own stubborn loyalty. By my unquenchable desire to have things my way. It overpowers my love for what I hold, almost, I think. The desire to hold onto it is more potent than my love for it. I want to stay. Let me stay. I’m not fucking going. I try so hard to cling onto something that’s, really, stupid easy to let go of. I’m really stupid, maybe. Or just younger than I allow myself to admit. And very naive.

The hand I’m holding is slippery. My nails dig into the flesh, the bone. I coil my arm around theirs. Scream against their shoulder. Cry into their clothes.

They are silent. Their fingers lax, relaxed. Their faces, serene. At peace. It puzzles me. Intrigues me. I long to find peace like theirs. They won’t squeeze my hand back. They will not refuse my hold, but they won’t forbid my withdrawal. Pay. Withdraw. Leave. That’s it. That’s easy. Why, then, do you cling so arduously? Put so much work into holding what won’t hold you back?

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Hi. I’ve been silent for awhile, writing-wise, in the blog. Sorry about that. I’ve been a bit stressed recently. Here is a little semi-vent post about it. Won’t go into details about my personal life, but I just feel a bit overwhelmed. Hope this post finds you well. Take care. As always, thanks for reading.