It’s the most wonderful thing in the world.

It’s a blank expanse, untouched and unblemished. It’s a patch of virgin forest, fertile and bright. The sight of it brings tears to the eyes of pioneers. It pools the mouths of the famished with greed and glory.

It has the potential to be worth millions or worth nothing. It could be transformed into whatever you desire. You may do with it as you like. One stroke of a finger may destroy it or complement it.

For instance, I bought a notebook today. This is why I am telling you all of this. There’s no greater excitement than the one I feel when I leaf through the cream-colored paper and take in the scent locked in there. It’s a wondrous sensation. It fills one up with anticipation and ambition. We want to do so much with what we’re given, but the pages are finite.

And so is our interest.

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Drawing was never a challenge. I can draw whatever and feel somewhat pleased. I have mentioned feeling “like an astronaut” doing it. I float, bounce off the walls of my bedroom. I let the colors collapse on top of each other, like bricks. I relax in midair and let myself drift away.

But writing is challenging. I used to find it easy. I also used to think (and somewhat still do) that it ages better than art. Words have a shape to them that doesn’t change. Words cannot be deformed when one types. But a face has melted down the wall more than once. I have looked away from my past achievements in embarrassment and fury. I used to find my ugliest creations perfect.

With words, the beauty comes in the way they are placed. With lines on paper, it comes on the way you trace them. It comes in their resemblance to reality. And I am not the best at mimicking such subjects.

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The thing with pages being finite, is that I feel like I purposefully leave notebooks incomplete, so as to give myself the freedom to dictate where they end. I think a part of my subconscious feels offended at the fact that a stack of white paper is telling me where to stop writing. Most of my notebooks still have empty pages. But I do sometimes find one of them and use what blankness remains. It all depends on what I feel like doing.

And that is the problem with writing. I cannot just decide when to do it. It requires for the mind to be clear of external thoughts.

Writing is more dangerous than drawing. Sure, drawing can be done well with music in my ears and my furniture spinning in midair, it can disconnect me from what’s happening underneath me or what time it is. But writing requires complete and undivided attention. Because when you write, you create a new reality. The rest of the world needs to shrink into a pebble the size of your palm. Small enough to be overlooked, but big enough to shake your fantasies away, once you’re satisfied. You cannot be interrupted. You must drown yourself into an ocean of soundlessness and gasp out bubbles that become letters. Words. Sentences. Paragraphs. A story.

And then your head breaks the surface, the salty air prickles your lungs, and the clarity washes over your eyes and your nose. You realize how little sense you make. You panic, you dive again. It’s the clarity that spoils it all. What frightens me, more than anything.

Which is what makes writing dangerous. The logic that is tied with words. The preciseness. The feedback. The pressure to be loyal to the new reality you’ve created. And the soundlessness that swathes you once you’re underwater is as soothing as it is lethal.

Writing is a challenge that I accepted. A fear to overcome. A burden to face. And I like doing it. I just need to learn to like doing it for others.

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THANK YOU FOR READING!

I apologize for being a bit inactive recently. I’ve been busy with other things, hanging out with family, etc. I’m still finding my footing on how to work on WordPress and how to make my blog appeal to people. Also, as I’ve told you through this post, writing is challenging XD. I need to come up with ideas on what to write quicker, I know, sorry.

Also, a new page is on the making and I don’t want it to be messy or unprofessional. I’m working with concepts and a clear plan in order to make it work. I hope you all like it.

I appreciate all of you! Have a nice rest of the week!

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Copyright © Blanca Parga 2020

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